One of the keys to success as a freshman is properly managing
the parentals. Your parents are filled with mixed emotions right
now—not knowing whether to call everyday to check in or hold back
and let you make your own way. This is a difficult time for them,
so making a little effort to "manage" your parents can save a lot
of aggravation in the long run.
Example 1: Mom Who?
Often for freshmen, there is the cosmic explosion of freedom
as soon as the parentals blow their last kisses from the window
of the U-Haul. The first few weeks of college are a crush of
events, parties, classes, administrative tasks, among other
things. Many students quickly assimilate to this new lifestyle
away from the careful watch of Mom and Dad. Others look it at as
a time to do everything they were never allowed to do at home...
in the first week of school.
They don't call home. They don't write. They take this
new-found freedom as a right without responsibilities. And they
quickly get into trouble, such as missing classes, overdoing it
on the partying, etc., etc.
Parental Reaction?
Worry. Parents often don't find out the full consequences of
this behavior until the first grade report. Then worry turns to
anger as they find themselves paying again for their student to
re-take intro level courses.
Example 2: When can I come home?
On the flip side, there are those who become terribly
homesick. This student is easily identified by their depressed
nature and their tendency to be on the phone 24/7 with Mom and
Dad. This is not as rare as you think. Many students quickly get
caught up in the depression surrounding homesickness. They stay
in the dorm, call home constantly, and quickly become isolated...
and alas, even more depressed.
Parental Reaction?
Worry. The depression associated with homesickness is of great
concern to them. This type of thing can easily spiral downward
and they are torn between letting your work it out and driving to
campus to bring you home. If this is you, visit your campus
counseling center.
Example 3: I'm OK, You're OK
After 2 weeks or so, this student becomes the norm. These
balanced souls call home occasionally to check in, work out most
problems on their own, and have already planned the first trip
home.
Parental Reaction?
Worry. What'd you expect? They're parents.
3 Tips from the Well-Adjusted
1. Call home once a week to check in, say hi, and let them
know you're OK.
2. Don't overdo the "send money quick" calls. Try to manage on
your own. You know they're going to slip you something
occassionally anyway.
3. Make Thanksgiving the first trip home. It allows you and
your parents some space to get used to the new situation. And
it's usually just about the time you start to run out of things
(i.e. time to stock up from the home front).